Yes! I get to review this glorious masterpiece. Troll 2 is a 1990 horror movie. The film was produced by Filmirage and distributed by Epic Productions. Troll 2 was written by Claudio Fragasso and Rossella Drudi and directed by Claudio Fragasso (under the pseudonym of Drake Floyd).
The story is Joshua and his family are taking a small trip to Nilbog. While there Joshua learns that the town is filled with goblins disguised as humans. Now him and his family must fight there way out of the town before they become a meal for the demonic goblins.
Productions Problems
Now if you look at the history behind the movie it shows that this film was doomed from the start for two reasons. One reason is the original title was Goblins but the United States distributors were skeptical of the film's chances to succeed as an indie film and renamed it Troll 2 in an attempt to market it as a sequel to the 1986 film Troll. Which makes no sense because the movie's antagonists are goblins not trolls but even if they stuck with the more truthful title the movie still would have failed for reason number two. The other reason is Claudio Fragasso brought an all Italian-speaking crew to work with his English-speaking cast. This caused a huge language barrier between the cast and crew. And since the script wasn't written in a way that American's speak this lead the cast having to improvise their lines.
My Thoughts
The movie begins with a story about a boy or should I say a thirty year old man being chased by goblins during the is chase we have the most unfitting music playing. Just listen it's so funny https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVEjuQjm-6M. What is even playing? Am I in a chase scene for a horror movie or am I working out with the most flamboyant instructor known to mankind?
Also during that opening story Peter meets with a young beautiful woman with obviously drawn on freckles. I'm not making that up. Here's my proof
The movie begins with a story about a boy or should I say a thirty year old man being chased by goblins during the is chase we have the most unfitting music playing. Just listen it's so funny https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVEjuQjm-6M. What is even playing? Am I in a chase scene for a horror movie or am I working out with the most flamboyant instructor known to mankind?
Also during that opening story Peter meets with a young beautiful woman with obviously drawn on freckles. I'm not making that up. Here's my proof
Why did they draw freckles of the actress' face? Was it too much trouble for them to have the actress' face the way it was or get an actress who already has freckles? Oh my god this is hilarious. So then during this story Peter eats this green goo that the woman offered him. Not once does he question where did this woman came from?, why is she offering me this weird green substance? or how she just magically appeared after he just hit his head off of a tree branch. And no surprise at all he dies because oh no she was really a troll...sorry I meant goblin since there's no trolls here despite the title.
Then just when I thought it couldn't get any funnier Joshua's mom comes into his room and Joshua tells her that Grandpa Seth was telling him a story. But before he says Grandpa Seth he covers his mouth. Like he wasn't suppose to say it. It was his oh shit moment. Also is it me or is it weird that he refers to him as Grandpa Seth, why not just Grandpa I don't call my Grandfather Grandpa Edward or Grandpa Ed. Oh and I also most forgot Grandpa Seth is a dead and he's a ghost. So if I have this correct we have a Grandfather telling his Grandson about trolls sorry goblins and how they turn people into there own food with some strange green goo and they live in a place called Nilbog, then after the story within the story is over we later learn that Grandpa Seth has been dead for more than six months and that he's a ghost. That's a lot to take in with only the first five minutes of the movie isn't it?
"Grandpa Seth has been gone for more than six months now. You were at the funeral, and I know it was difficult for you. It was difficult for you. It was difficult for your father, and for Holly, and for me his daughter. He was an amazing man, Grandpa Seth has remained in all of your hearts, but you must banish him from your mind". That's an actually line from the movie. I mean who just tells their kid to "banish" their grandparent from their mind after they died. There is a slim chance that Joshua my have a few screws loose but why did she phrase it like that?
Also I swear Joshua was suppose to be played by someone way younger than Michael Stephenson. I say this because Joshua looks like he's about eleven maybe twelve but for some reason sometimes when he talks it almost sounds like he's six. Because he refers to his dad as daddy and at one point during the movie he calls his sister Holly big sister not sis or Holly just big sister.
Speaking of Joshua here's what he looks like
Then just when I thought it couldn't get any funnier Joshua's mom comes into his room and Joshua tells her that Grandpa Seth was telling him a story. But before he says Grandpa Seth he covers his mouth. Like he wasn't suppose to say it. It was his oh shit moment. Also is it me or is it weird that he refers to him as Grandpa Seth, why not just Grandpa I don't call my Grandfather Grandpa Edward or Grandpa Ed. Oh and I also most forgot Grandpa Seth is a dead and he's a ghost. So if I have this correct we have a Grandfather telling his Grandson about trolls sorry goblins and how they turn people into there own food with some strange green goo and they live in a place called Nilbog, then after the story within the story is over we later learn that Grandpa Seth has been dead for more than six months and that he's a ghost. That's a lot to take in with only the first five minutes of the movie isn't it?
"Grandpa Seth has been gone for more than six months now. You were at the funeral, and I know it was difficult for you. It was difficult for you. It was difficult for your father, and for Holly, and for me his daughter. He was an amazing man, Grandpa Seth has remained in all of your hearts, but you must banish him from your mind". That's an actually line from the movie. I mean who just tells their kid to "banish" their grandparent from their mind after they died. There is a slim chance that Joshua my have a few screws loose but why did she phrase it like that?
Also I swear Joshua was suppose to be played by someone way younger than Michael Stephenson. I say this because Joshua looks like he's about eleven maybe twelve but for some reason sometimes when he talks it almost sounds like he's six. Because he refers to his dad as daddy and at one point during the movie he calls his sister Holly big sister not sis or Holly just big sister.
Speaking of Joshua here's what he looks like
If this is what the main child star looks like in the movie, then who is the kid on the poster that I'm using?
The movie has terrible acting. Everybody either can't give a convincing human emotion or their so over the top that it's the funniest thing you'll ever see. Actually this works in the movie's favor because typically when I see bad acting I cringe but here with everyone being over the top or not convincing it's actually quite entertaining and I love it. Don't believe me that the acting is bad here are some highlights
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyophYBP_w4 (Did anyone even bother getting rid of that fly on the dude's head?)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWmr2jOJjRU (They love tourist in Nilbog but they don't severe coffee? My god these goblins truly are evil.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AlXTMH4ovPY (They'll kill the family violently! Oh man they better eat those sandwiches then.)
During the movie Holly thinks that her boyfriend Elliot is gay. She thinks this because he spends a lot of time with his friends. And you know what I believe her. Because almost everytime we're with Elliot his buddies are there with him. When he goes to meet Holly at her house there are his friends and when he decides to go to Nilbog there are his friends. We even have a scene where two of his friends are in bed together. Not joking about that last part, there really is a scene where the supposedly straight friends are in bed together.
The movie's makeup and special effects are just awful. Here are what the goblins look like
Yeah who ever was in charge on the makeup I would have fired them. Now about those special effects. Get a load of what happens when you throw a spear in this movie https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RV1JHn7hYY. Also who tries to talk to something that is clearly not human and they hear their friend screaming in pain and think oh yeah he's probably having sex. Worst friends ever!
Ladies and gentlemen I introduce you to what I can only describe as corn porn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qG1y3UdqN8w. Believe it or not of all the scenes to leave me speechless this was one of them.
I want you to watch this dinner scene https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqiucizG4hk. This scene brings up so many questions
1) Who would eat food when it has abnormally bright green stuff on it? Last time I checked food isn't suppose to look like that.
2) Since when did Grandpa Seth get the ability to stop time and What are his limits to stopping time? Oh and by the way he never uses this power again even when he's family is being attacked by goblins.
3) Really Joshua Really!? Of all the ways to get rid of the tainted food you decided to piss on it! Was simply throwing it away too much work for ya?
You gotta love the acting of the father. How didn't he win an academy award for this is amazing performance I'll never know. And how isn't "You can't piss on hospitality! I WON'T ALLOW IT!" Not considered one the best movie quotes of all time (he said sarcastically while writing this). Also I don't know anything about hunger pains but I'm pretty sure tightening your belt isn't going to help your problem.
So that's Troll 2 and wow this is awful. Everything about this movie is bad. The acting is laughable, the dialogue is questionable & odd at best, the makeup and special effects are something only a school play would use, the plot makes no sense, and the title is a complete lie. But you know what that's what makes the movie so much fun. It's like everything that could go wrong with a movie does but instead of it but a painful experience you'll have a great and wonderful time with it. This is definitely one of the movies I recommend you watch if you love bad movies and want a good laugh.
My final rating is So Bad It's Good
The Documentary
If your still want more information about how disastrous this movie turned out you guys should watch the Troll 2 2009 documentary titled Best Worst Movie directed by Joshua himself Michael Stephenson. Not only does it give you details about how bad the production of the movie was but it also tells you what the cast have been up to after the movie and the less than enthusiastic reviews. Give it a watch it's great.
State of The Project (Oct 12th - Nov 2nd)
Oct 12th - Batman vs. Two-Face Review
Oct 16th - The Exorcist Review
Oct 19th - Killer Klowns from Outer Space Review
Oct 23rd - A Look Back at Stranger Things - Season 1
Oct 26th - Cinematic Disasters - Troll 2
Oct 30th - Road to Justice League - Justice League Dark Review
Nov 2nd - No Cinematic Disasters This Month - This post will go up at 6:00pm Eastern time & 3:00pm Pacific time. The reason for this is I'm going to see an early screening of Thor: Ragnarok.
NOTE: IF ANYTHING CHANGES I WILL TELL YOU.
During the movie Holly thinks that her boyfriend Elliot is gay. She thinks this because he spends a lot of time with his friends. And you know what I believe her. Because almost everytime we're with Elliot his buddies are there with him. When he goes to meet Holly at her house there are his friends and when he decides to go to Nilbog there are his friends. We even have a scene where two of his friends are in bed together. Not joking about that last part, there really is a scene where the supposedly straight friends are in bed together.
The movie's makeup and special effects are just awful. Here are what the goblins look like
Yeah who ever was in charge on the makeup I would have fired them. Now about those special effects. Get a load of what happens when you throw a spear in this movie https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RV1JHn7hYY. Also who tries to talk to something that is clearly not human and they hear their friend screaming in pain and think oh yeah he's probably having sex. Worst friends ever!
Ladies and gentlemen I introduce you to what I can only describe as corn porn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qG1y3UdqN8w. Believe it or not of all the scenes to leave me speechless this was one of them.
I want you to watch this dinner scene https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqiucizG4hk. This scene brings up so many questions
1) Who would eat food when it has abnormally bright green stuff on it? Last time I checked food isn't suppose to look like that.
2) Since when did Grandpa Seth get the ability to stop time and What are his limits to stopping time? Oh and by the way he never uses this power again even when he's family is being attacked by goblins.
3) Really Joshua Really!? Of all the ways to get rid of the tainted food you decided to piss on it! Was simply throwing it away too much work for ya?
You gotta love the acting of the father. How didn't he win an academy award for this is amazing performance I'll never know. And how isn't "You can't piss on hospitality! I WON'T ALLOW IT!" Not considered one the best movie quotes of all time (he said sarcastically while writing this). Also I don't know anything about hunger pains but I'm pretty sure tightening your belt isn't going to help your problem.
So that's Troll 2 and wow this is awful. Everything about this movie is bad. The acting is laughable, the dialogue is questionable & odd at best, the makeup and special effects are something only a school play would use, the plot makes no sense, and the title is a complete lie. But you know what that's what makes the movie so much fun. It's like everything that could go wrong with a movie does but instead of it but a painful experience you'll have a great and wonderful time with it. This is definitely one of the movies I recommend you watch if you love bad movies and want a good laugh.
My final rating is So Bad It's Good
The Documentary
If your still want more information about how disastrous this movie turned out you guys should watch the Troll 2 2009 documentary titled Best Worst Movie directed by Joshua himself Michael Stephenson. Not only does it give you details about how bad the production of the movie was but it also tells you what the cast have been up to after the movie and the less than enthusiastic reviews. Give it a watch it's great.
State of The Project (Oct 12th - Nov 2nd)
Oct 12th - Batman vs. Two-Face Review
Oct 16th - The Exorcist Review
Oct 19th - Killer Klowns from Outer Space Review
Oct 23rd - A Look Back at Stranger Things - Season 1
Oct 26th - Cinematic Disasters - Troll 2
Oct 30th - Road to Justice League - Justice League Dark Review
Nov 2nd - No Cinematic Disasters This Month - This post will go up at 6:00pm Eastern time & 3:00pm Pacific time. The reason for this is I'm going to see an early screening of Thor: Ragnarok.
NOTE: IF ANYTHING CHANGES I WILL TELL YOU.
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