So it's been awhile since I reviewed a comedy movie. Well an intentional one. And since this is Cinematic Disasters it's no surprise that I'm reviewing a bad comedy movie. So let's get to it.
Date Movie is a 2006 romantic comedy movie produced by Epsilon Motion Pictures, Regency Enterprises, and New Regency and distributed by 20th Century Fox. Date Movie was "written" by cinema hacks Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg and directed by Aaron Seltzer.
The story is Julia is a hopeless romantic who has finally found the man of her dreams Grant Fonkyerdoder. But she faces many hurdles before they decide to get married. Will everything go as planned or will it end up being a disaster.
My Thoughts
When the movie begins already I have a bad feeling. Basically we open out with a dream sequence were Julia is going to marry Napoleon Dynamite. Then he said he won't marry and then he process to say gosh over and over and over again. I hate Napoleon Dynamite and even I know there's more to the character than him say gosh over and over again. Then when Julia wakes up she writes in her dairy and the diary is titled Julia Jones's Diary because get it Julia Jones's Diary...Bridget Jones's Diary. Yeah that's not a joke that's a reference and it's not even a good reference because when this film came did anybody even remember Bridget Jones's Diary.
Then after that we get our opening credit sequences. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8VOpaKnUhA. Oh boy that was only the two minutes and besides the dream sequence being an indicator of what kind of comedy were going to get I already know we are not in for anything good. Let's break this down shall we?
1. We're playing Kelis' 2003 song Milkshakes. Sure a lot of people few it as a classic. But that song became out dated the moment 2004 rolled in. So already this opening is outdated.
2. What the heck was so funny about her jiggle her boobs at the point where they spin around to her back. It's not funny it's kind of horrifying.
3. Ha Ha Ha Ha a guy ran up to her only for us to see he runs up to another guy thus making them gay. Ha like that joke has never been done before. Bravo Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer bravo.
4. Really a freeze frame joke? Wasn't that already done to death by the time this film came out or even before it came out? Either way it's not funny. In matter of fact the joke was just predictable.
Then after Julia meets Grant she goes to Hitch. Which surprise it's a "parody" of Hitch. Now before I go on to describe this scene I feel so bad for Tony Cox. Because besides Bad Santa this is what he's know for. Being in these awful parody movies. But I digress so anyhow see meets Hitch and she says hey let's give you a makeover then we're in a Pimp My Ride "parody". Now I am going to let you watch this scene but if any of squeamish I recommend you don't watch it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2T_JmtiGlw. Now if you noticed anything about this scene it's random assessment of gross-out jokes and then out of nowhere we get a Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith "parody".
Then Julia goes on The Extreme Bachelor: Desperate Edition. Gee I wonder what they could possibly be making fun of? I just have no idea what the spoof is. And I guess the main joke is murder because Grant is told to eliminate which woman he doesn't won't to go out with then for no reason what so ever he just shoots all of them expect Julia. Then we get the restaurant scene which is the characters making "spoofs" of When Harry Met Sally (more specifically the famous "yes scene".) and Girls Gone Wild. Then after their date they for no reason just beat up a homeless drunk guy. I'm not kidding they literally go from talking about themselves to pulverizing a bum. What is even going on here?
Then Julia takes Grant to see your parents. And I kid you not Julia's mother wants to know if Grant is shooting blinks so she wants him to go masturbate in the bathroom. Oh it gets even worse from there folks. Because then Grant enters the bathroom and sees the family cat Jinxers taking a shit. And just to make the scene even less funny it goes on for a long time...1 minute and 55 seconds to be exact. Because it's that what you want in your parody movie right? A cat taking a crap for almost 2 minutes. I swear this movie is getting worse and worse with each passing scene.
Then after that stupid scene we then cut to Julia & Grant talking. But while their talking we get another joke. This time however it's a joke about Michael Jackson being a pedophile. Because you know we never heard jokes like that before. Especially in 2006 those jokes never happened at all. In case you haven't realized by now I'm being sarcastic. For the record that actually happened.
When the movie begins already I have a bad feeling. Basically we open out with a dream sequence were Julia is going to marry Napoleon Dynamite. Then he said he won't marry and then he process to say gosh over and over and over again. I hate Napoleon Dynamite and even I know there's more to the character than him say gosh over and over again. Then when Julia wakes up she writes in her dairy and the diary is titled Julia Jones's Diary because get it Julia Jones's Diary...Bridget Jones's Diary. Yeah that's not a joke that's a reference and it's not even a good reference because when this film came did anybody even remember Bridget Jones's Diary.
Then after that we get our opening credit sequences. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8VOpaKnUhA. Oh boy that was only the two minutes and besides the dream sequence being an indicator of what kind of comedy were going to get I already know we are not in for anything good. Let's break this down shall we?
1. We're playing Kelis' 2003 song Milkshakes. Sure a lot of people few it as a classic. But that song became out dated the moment 2004 rolled in. So already this opening is outdated.
2. What the heck was so funny about her jiggle her boobs at the point where they spin around to her back. It's not funny it's kind of horrifying.
3. Ha Ha Ha Ha a guy ran up to her only for us to see he runs up to another guy thus making them gay. Ha like that joke has never been done before. Bravo Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer bravo.
4. Really a freeze frame joke? Wasn't that already done to death by the time this film came out or even before it came out? Either way it's not funny. In matter of fact the joke was just predictable.
Then after Julia meets Grant she goes to Hitch. Which surprise it's a "parody" of Hitch. Now before I go on to describe this scene I feel so bad for Tony Cox. Because besides Bad Santa this is what he's know for. Being in these awful parody movies. But I digress so anyhow see meets Hitch and she says hey let's give you a makeover then we're in a Pimp My Ride "parody". Now I am going to let you watch this scene but if any of squeamish I recommend you don't watch it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2T_JmtiGlw. Now if you noticed anything about this scene it's random assessment of gross-out jokes and then out of nowhere we get a Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith "parody".
Then Julia goes on The Extreme Bachelor: Desperate Edition. Gee I wonder what they could possibly be making fun of? I just have no idea what the spoof is. And I guess the main joke is murder because Grant is told to eliminate which woman he doesn't won't to go out with then for no reason what so ever he just shoots all of them expect Julia. Then we get the restaurant scene which is the characters making "spoofs" of When Harry Met Sally (more specifically the famous "yes scene".) and Girls Gone Wild. Then after their date they for no reason just beat up a homeless drunk guy. I'm not kidding they literally go from talking about themselves to pulverizing a bum. What is even going on here?
Then Julia takes Grant to see your parents. And I kid you not Julia's mother wants to know if Grant is shooting blinks so she wants him to go masturbate in the bathroom. Oh it gets even worse from there folks. Because then Grant enters the bathroom and sees the family cat Jinxers taking a shit. And just to make the scene even less funny it goes on for a long time...1 minute and 55 seconds to be exact. Because it's that what you want in your parody movie right? A cat taking a crap for almost 2 minutes. I swear this movie is getting worse and worse with each passing scene.
Then Grant takes Julia to Tiffany & Co. I'll talk about the product placement later so just hang in there. In this scene Grant proposes to Julia even thought they've only being in a relationship for like what a day. Also in this scene we get a Lord of the Rings "parody". Where the joke is they sell the ring for money but don't get very much. Because that was a joke that was never made.
We later get to meet Grant's parents which he's parents are basically "The Fockers" from Meet The Fockers. It was then I realized something. This movie is "spoofing" films that are romantic comedies. Which doesn't make any sense. Since films like Hitch & Meet The Fockers were already meant to be jokes what's the point of making a "parody" out of them. There is no sense because making a parody of a joke is stupid and never works. And just to make it worse Friedberg & Seltzer decided to make a "parody" of The Wedding Planner. Where the joke is it's Jennifer Lopez and you can tell it's a "parody" of Jennifer Lopez because Grant & Julia's wedding planner is a pop singer & since Jennifer Lopez is also know for having a nice ass they make joke about that too. Granted it's not a funny joke and the scene quite literally goes nowhere but Friedberg & Seltzer thought it needed to be put in there that way their film can make the two hour mark.
After that pointless scene we get introduce to a new character Andy, Grant's best man who is really a beautiful woman. And this is basically her introduction
Note I only gave you a 40 second clip the actually scene goes on for 2 minutes and 15 seconds. Now that my not seem like a long time but it felt like it went on and on and on like it was never going to stop.
And guys that's really all the other scenes I want to tell you about. Because really all the reset of the scenes feel like the same. We get a Grant/Julia scene or their own respected scene then we get a Kill Bill "parody", a scene with the original characters then a "parody" of something like Pretty Woman. Then we get Grant & Julia getting marry then for some reason a King Kong "parody".
There are many reasons to hate this film. So I'll break it down and tell you why this film is awful.
Reason #1. The film never stops to have a serious moment. Each scene is always a joke. Now some of you may not think that's a bad thing but some of the best parody films to give a good serious moment. Because with those serious moments we get things like tension, build-up, or character development. This movie never has that and even if they did throw in a serious moment there wouldn't be any point because then we don't know if it's a serious moment or if the filmmakers are spoofing something.
Reason #2. Now I don't complain about product placement because I understand why it's there but with this film it might as well have been a commercial. One of the products is like I said the jewelry store Tiffany & Co. But not only do we have that product placement we also have this running gag of a hummus bottle and guess what the hummus bottle is...a Windex bottle. I'm not trying to be funny they literally have that in the movie.
Reason #3. Pointless celebrity cameos. I'm serious we get cameo appearances from look-a-likes and they are Britney Spears, Kevin Federline, and like I said before Jennifer Lopez. We also get a cameo appearance from rapper Lil Jon who is himself not some look-a-like. But why? They don't serve any purpose for the plot nor do they provide any good jokes. So what's the point?
Reason #4. Parodying films that are comedies. Now I know I already say this but let me reiterate my point. The movie "spoofs" films such as Wedding Crashers, Meet The Fockers, The Wedding Planner, and What Women Want and many more. This doesn't work because the films were already comedies thus they were already poking fun at themselves. So making a "parody" of it doesn't make any sense. If the film was a comedy from the start there's no reason to make a "parody" out of it. If they wanted to make of fun of romantic movies why not films such The Notebook.
Reason #5. This is not a parody. You all probably noticed that throughout this review I've been putting quotation marks around words like parody and/or spoof. There's a reason for that. This movie isn't parodying anything. What they are doing is referencing other films. So whenever I character from a movie like My Big Fat Greek Wedding comes in it's not a parody of the character it's a reference.
Reason #6. Spoofing films that have nothing to do with the genre their making fun of. Throughout the movie we get spoofs of films such Kill Bill and Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Those aren't romantic films their action movies. You know why Scary Movie is called that? Because they were making fun of horror movies. Sure there was a Matrix parody but I could let that slide. This movie on the other hand for some reason decide to poke fun at films that have nothing to do with the subject at hand. Those films were clearly just put there because they were popular at the time.
Date Movie is an horrendous spoof movie. The jokes aren't funny, the characters are bland, none of the parodies work, some scenes go on for way too long, and the story is just the same thing you've seen over and over again.
My final rating is Destroy It!
Now I am going to review the other Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer movies but it's going to be a long time before I do that again. So if I'm not doing another Friedberg/Seltzer movie then what film will I review next time on this segment? It will be Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever. That will come out on July 2nd.
State of The Project (Jan 25th - Feb 17th)
Jan 25th - Batman: Gotham by Gaslight Review
Jan 29th - Critics, Journalist, and Bloggers Leave Zack Snyder Alone
Feb 1st - The Top 8 Elseworlds Stories I Want To Be Movies
Feb 8th - Thoughts on The Venom Teaser Trailer & People's Reactions
Feb 12th - Is It True? - James Bond is a Codename
Feb 15th - Cinematic Disasters - Date Movie
Feb 17th - Black Panther Review
NOTE: IF ANYTHING CHANGES I WILL TELL YOU.
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