We're nearing the end of my Jaws review and sadly after Jaws 2 the quality of these films started to go downhill. So let's review the first bad film in the franchise.
Jaws 3-D (or simply Jaws 3) is a 1983 thriller film as well as the second sequel to Steven Spielberg's Jaws and the third film in the Jaws franchise. Jaws 3-D is produced by Alan Landsburg Productions and MCA Theatricals and distributed by Universal Pictures. Jaws 3-D was written by Carl Gottlieb and Richard Matheson and directed by Joe Alves.
The story is a shark has found it's way into SeaWorld Orlando. After some brutal attacks, Mike Brody and Kay Morgan along with other workers set off to capture the beast. However they soon discover that's not the only shark that entered.
My Thoughts
One thing that I thought was absolutely hilarious was the 3-D aspect of the film. Now watching the with actual 3-D glasses does make the film enjoyable but without the 3-D after or the glasses you get a lot of unintentional funny scenes. Like the people are entering SeaWorld and at one point you get a shot of this dragon looking thing direct in front on the camera. It was set up that when you have your 3-D glasses on it's tongue is coming at you but without them you just get an awkwardly funny shot.
Another thing I find hilarious about Jaws 3-D is it's pretty much a commercial for SeaWorld...well a really bad/terrifying commercial for SeaWorld. I mean really think about you run SeaWorld these filmmakers want to make a horror film and you say yes. "Come on down to SeaWorld folks! If your not lucky enough you make get eating by a killer shark that we somehow didn't know was in our park".
Then later on we're reintroduced to the Brody boys, Mike and Sean. Now Mike does have a reason to be here, he works at SeaWorld (although that's still pretty weird because he almost got eaten in Jaws) but why would Sean want to come. In the film it says Sean came to visit Mike but considering everything that happened to him in Jaws 2 you'd think he would want to stay the hell away from the water whether it be a park or ocean. What it really boils down to is for some reason the writers think "well since they were in the first two movies we might as well bring them in for this movie". That's all it pretty much is.
Later on Mike, Sean, and Kathryn (often referred to as "Kay") go to a bar and Sean notices people playing "Standoff". And listen to the way they hype up this game (note the video I found is in poor quality so if you have headphones I recommend you put them on).
Yeah! That's right Sean! Standoff is truly a came where it's a battle of the greatest mastermind. Seriously it's just a game where two players put their hands together then lightly push the other player. I think Sean needs to clam down a bit when playing this game.
Then Sean and Kelly (the girl he has playing Standoff with) go swimming. During this scene we're introduced and I kid you not to coral thieves. And apparently being a coral thief is the same as being a drug dealer because one piece of dialogue from these guys is this "Guy in Miami will give us 200 bucks for the good stuff". I'm serious I didn't make that up. That's an actual line in a Jaws movie. Is it me or is this movie getting more hilarious by the moment.
Later on Mike and Kay going looking for Overman (an employee who was killed earlier in the film). And then the movie displays quite possibly the worst animation I've seen from a film made in the 80's (again the video is in poor quality but I doubt even in HD it would look perfect). Behold the submarine.
Not gonna lie when I saw that on AMC as a kid (yes my parents let me watch a killer shark eat people. Their cool like that) I laughed. I mean that's the best they could do? Also why is there water in the submarine? Isn't the point of those is to keep the water out. Then later we get a chase scene with dolphins. And dear lord it's horrible. Watch the clip then I'll explain.
So now that you watched the clip let's explain why this scene is horrible.
1. At 1:48 we can clearly tell that's a puppet there using. Yes this movie was made in the early 80's so I shouldn't expect much but there were plenty of films back then that had great special effects.
2. Holy stock footage Batman! And you can tell it's stock footage because the damn shark keeps changing it's appearance.
3. They used the same shot of Mike holding on to his dolphin not once not twice but three times! Were the filmmakers so lazy they couldn't have made two other different shots.
So sometime later we finally find Overman's corpse. And get a load of this.
Who's the asshat that pushed the girl? Think about it, this guy sees a dead body then he decides "Hey you know what would be hilarious? If I push this traumatized girl to that corpse. Oh my god! This is going to funny as hell!"
Then we discover the shocking truth. It turns out they shark they captured was just a baby but the shark that killed Overman was actually the mother. In all honesty you can kind of see that coming. Because think about it, this is the third film in the Jaws franchise. Do you really think they would downgrade the size of the shark. I don't think so.
Also when they made this discovery it turns out this shark is about 35 feet long! Now I'm no shark expert but how do you miss something that big? Also where the hell was the baby shark's mother hiding all this time?
So now the shark is on a rampage to get revenge of her baby's death (yes this shark's on a quest for vengeance. But you know what it makes way more sense than it did in Jaws: The Revenge). The shark even runs into Sean and Kelly and despite the shark eating everyone else it just takes a bite out of Kelly's leg. I guess this time around Jaws is on a diet.
Then later we get one of my favorite kills in a Jaws movie. FritzRoyce (he was a character introduced earlier in the movie) lure the shark into a filtration pipe so he can kill it. But that doesn't go according to plan and then this is the best part. He gets swallowed whole and then the shark crushes him. What makes this my favorite kill is just how ridiculous it is. I mean this shark had to take one bite at a time to devour everyone else but this one guy nope Jaws can just swallow him whole.
So later on we get our big climatic finale battle with the shark. But not before this glorious moment. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls I present to you the infamous glass scene!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's so terrible! But yet it's so great. And to think both the director and editor looked at this and said "Yep that's perfect and will definitely scare the audience."
I'm just going to end here because why bother explaining the rest of the film after that. So that was Jaws 3-D and I think I've made in no secret that I love this movie. Everything about this film is just pure hilarity. The shark looks really fake this time around, some of the dialogue is hilarious, the 3-D effects when not wearing 3-D glasses just bring awkward moments, the special effects are just comical, and the film overall is just a really bad commercial for SeaWorld.
My final rating is So Bad It's Good
Well I had fun with this Jaws film. To bad next time I won't be as much fun with my review of the finale Jaws movie Jaws: The Revenge.
State of The Project (Oct 11th - Oct 25th)
Oct 11th - A Look Back at Goosebumps (2015)
Oct 13th - Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween Review
Oct 15th - Jaws 2 Review
Oct 18th - Explaining The Halloween Timelines
Oct 20th - Halloween (2018) Review
Oct 22nd - Cinematic Disasters - Jaws 3-D
Oct 25th - Cinematic Disasters - Jaws: The Revenge
NOTE: IF ANYTHING CHANGES I WILL TELL YOU!
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