Cinematic Disasters - Jaws: The Revenge

This is the end folks. The end of my Jaws film review series and sadly it ends on the worst film of them all.

Jaws: The Revenge is a 1987 thriller film and is the third sequel to the 1975 classic Jaws and is the fourth and final film in the Jaws series. The film was produced and distributed by Universal Pictures. Jaws: The Revenge was written by Michael de Guzman and directed by Joseph Sargent.

The story is after Sean Brody has been sadly killed and widow Ellen Brody is absolutely devastated. Her other son Michael decides the Brody family should take a trip to The Bahamas. However while the family is there so is a great white shark.

My Thoughts

Now our movie starts off terribly enough by showing us that the Brody's still live in Amity Island. Why? Ignoring the third movie (much like this one does) they have been attacked not once but twice by sharks on this island. Why would Martian, Ellen or both of them still want to live here with their kids? Clearly living by an ocean was not done their family any favors.

Then we get Sean's terribly edited death scenes. It's best to watch it first then I'll explain.

One you gotta love how there's already blood in the water even though the shark hasn't even bitten off Sean's arm. Two what is up with the camera work?! It looks like there was two camera operators one on the left and the other on the right and they were tossing the camera back and forth. And to think not only was the director looking at this footage but so was the editor. They filmed this, looked at it, and then both said "yeah this looks good". Three at one point the camera makes it look like the shark bit off Sean's head but in the next shot it didn't. Why did they make it look like the shark chomped off his head but then show he was perfectly fine (aside from the missing arm). That was just an weird thing to do.

After that Mike and his family come to visit Ellen. Mike goes to comfort her and I'm not kidding she says this. "It came for him. It waited all these years". Yes Ellen Brody not only believes this is the same shark from the first movie but she actually believes the shark planned to kill Sean. There are so many things wrong here so let's break it down.

1. You mean to tell me a shark jammed a log into a channel marker. How? How did the shark accomplish that? Sharks don't have hands. So how the hell did it do that?!

2. This must be one lucky shark considering how the coast guards were busy do something else.

3. How would the shark even know Sean would come? If Sean was in a situation where he could have told someone else to do it, what would have been the sharks plan then? Try again next time and hope for the best?

4. How did the shark even know Sean was on duty? It is the Christmas season in this film. So Sean most likely would have been doing some Christmas shopping or any other Christmas related stuff.

Then came the scene that took me over the top. The scene that really made me hate this movie. While Ellen is convincing Mike to give up his Marine Biologist job (because they had to get him in the water one or another) Ellen says this bit of dialogue when Mike says dad (Sheriff Martian Brody) died of a heart attack. "He died of fear. The fear of it killed him". ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!? Sheriff Brody died of fear of the shark. That's complete bullcrap. This is the guy who fought not one by two sharks. And your trying to convince us that he died of fear from the shark. I really really REALLY hate this movie.

So after that pit of character assassination Mike and his wife Carla are talking then Mike just randomly runs away. Yeah him and Carla were talking about Sean then Mike just runs. I have no idea why he did that. It was a weird moment but not as weird as the next scene I'm going to talk about.

Then we later cut to Sean's funeral and I don't know what the writers were going for with Ellen's reaction. At his funeral she later and out of nowhere starts laughing. I guess maybe she was remembering all the good times with her son? But then later Ellen and her family are on a boat playing with Mike's daughter and then Ellen starts crying. What is going? Did the writers get the emotions mixed up somewhere? It was such an odd and rather uncomfortable sequence of events. And to think it only happened in the spam of like two minutes.

Later the film goes to the Bahamas and we see Michael Caine is playing Hoagie. Yes he's character his named after a sandwich. But my personal favorite thing about him is he's a terrible pilot. The first instance is he's playing with Mike's daughter and goes up and down with his plane. That's a totally responsible thing to do with a family who just lost a loved one. The second time is when he's with Ellen and he lets go of the steering wheel. Just so she could takeover. Why hasn't this guy lost his piloting license?

We cut to Ellen swimming in the water then all of sudden she's attacked by the shark! But wait it turns out that level of suspense was just a dream sequence. Yes, Jaws: The Revenge uses the cheapest trick in any thriller/horror film that being the dream sequence. Okay a dream sequence could work if done such as it serves a purpose for the story. But this one doesn't! It's just a cheap trick. But it gets better because later on in the movie Mike has a dream sequence. That's right we get two dream sequences. But what makes Mike's dream sequence worse than Ellen's is his dream was a scene from the movie that happened a couple minutes ago.

Then we're treated to another conversation with Ellen telling Mike to quit his job then the shark appears. No seriously after their done talking with the snap of a finger we cut to a close up of the shark. No build up or anything just instant shark. But what's funny about that is the shark followed the film from New York to the Bahamas. The shark traveled a total distance of 1,100.49 miles just so he could eat a Brody.

Now I want you to pay close attention to this moment in Jaws: The Revenge. I want you to mainly focus on Ellen.

Now some of you are probably wondering what's Ellen's deal? Well get this and you'll definitely laugh at this. Ellen has a psychic connection to the shark. Let me repeat that. Ellen has a PSYCHIC connection to the shark. Ellen can now sense whenever the shark's around just by using her mind. That is probably the dumbest thing right next to the shark wanting revenge.





Speaking of Ellen. Who's idea was it to have a storyline where her and Hoagie (geez that's still a terrible name for a character) are probably becoming a couple. Seriously who wanted this. It's even worse because it felt like I was watching the same thing with them. They go out, they talk, and then they dance next scene they're together, they talk, and they go dancing again. Because that's what we wanted in a Jaws film right? To elderly folks going on a date.




We later cut back to Mike being attacked by the shark and he just barely escaped it's attack on him. Now any rational person who just survived a near death experience would you know probably not to that again. But nope not Mike. Because what felt like only a couple minutes later he's back at it again. Why?! Mike was inches away from being devoured by this thing and he wants to go back again! Did the writers even bought to read their own script before filming even began?




Then we get the banana boat scene. And tell me is there anything about this scene that gives you chills?

No! There is nothing about this scene that is scary. In matter of fact it's kind of funny for how poorly it's made. So let's break it down.

1. If Ellen has a psychic connection to the shark why did she still let her granddaughter go on the boat?

2. Jesus does the shark look fake! It literally looks like a toy attacking people. How is it that the first movie that came out in 1975 has better special effects than the movie that came out in 1987?

3. At 0:42 that actress put her leg in the sharks mouth. Come on filmmakers you could have shot that in a way where we the audience couldn't have seen that.

4. I love how when this woman being eaten by the shark, one lady shouts "somebody do something!" Like what? What do want the people do? Go out there and put a beatdown on the shark?

5. Now the shark attack is made even worse because it looks like the actress is holding on to the shark. Also is it me the does the shark look like it has stains on?

6. Oh my god that's hilarious. At 1:03 the lady who shouted "somebody do something!" actually shouted "Ah, I forgot my line!' That's priceless.

7. If Jaws is getting revenge on the Brodys (oh my god that's still stupid) why didn't he eat the Mike's daughter? I know that's a grim thing to ask but remember the shark wants revenge on all of them not just one of them so why didn't eat the daughter? This revenge plan of his isn't making a whole lot of sense?

So after that bit of awfulness, Ellen steals a boat to...I have no idea. It's never explained what her plan is. There's no possible way for her to kill because she didn't being any gear with her. So what's the big plan then? The only explanation we get is this piece of dialogue "I had to do it! There's was nothing else to do!" What is it?! What was Ellen going to do? Was she going to sacrifice herself to the shark?

Now Mike and company have arrived after Hoagie crash lands he's plane into the water and Mike and Jake jump into the water to get to Ellen's boat. Sure that's a brilliant plan. Jump into the water where the man-eating shark that traveled across the country to eat is at. Then the shark pops up to eat Hoagie and his reaction is priceless.

Hahahahahahahaha! Wow round of applause for Michael Caine everyone. I mean I wish my reaction to a shark attacking was like that. But then the brilliant and best part of the movie is ruined when he survives but not only does Hoagie survive he gets on the boat and he's shirt is a dry as it can be. Michael's explanation for this is the filmmakers took so long to set up the next shot that he's shirt dried up. So apparently the filmmakers were so incompetent that they could have just told him to jump back in the water tank that they were filming at. Or just get somebody to get a bucket of water and just dump it on him?

Then Mike and Jake make some short of device that will zap the shark, then Jake dies getting the device into the shark's mouth. But then Mike zaps the shark and then the shark roars. I'm not making up that. The shark roars! How? Sharks don't have vocal cords or lungs. How can the shark possibly be roaring?! This is Jaws 3-D levels of hilarity.

Also while this scene is going on Ellen is having flashbacks to events she never witnessed. Yeah she was flashbacks to when Sheriff Brody killed the shark in the first movie and to when her son Sean was killed. How does she have these flashbacks. Like I said she wasn't there come to think of it nobody but us the audience saw this stuff happened. So how Ellen know about these events. I guess it's one of the benefits to having a psychic abilities.

Then we get the dramatic killing of the shark and well words can not describe this scene as much as showing you does (note: the video repeats a part of the ending. So don't blame the film for that).

How?! How did impaling the shark lead to an explosion? That's not how impaling something or someone works. Also if you pause at just the right moment you'll get this

Would you be surprised if I told the film won a Razzie for "Worst Visual Effects". Well Jaws: The Revenge won a Razzie for "Worst Visual Effects".

But I'm curious why they used this ending when they have this ending.

Granted it's still kind of dumb because the shark would have to be balancing itself on water in order for it to be that high. But it makes sense. The shark gets impaled then it stinks to the bottom of the ocean.

Then later on our heroes somehow get back to dry land even though their boat has destroyed by the shark and the plane was also destroyed. But none the less our heroes leave and the movie finally comes to an end.

So that was Jaws: The Revenge and wow is it awful. The story is horrendous, the shark getting revenge is probably the dumbest part of the movie, Ellen having a psychic powers doesn't make any sense, the special effects are awful, and overall it's just a terrible sequel to one the greatest film ever made. And to think Universal was so proud of this movie they ignored Jaws 3-D because to them Jaws: The Revenge was and I quote " the third film of the remarkable Jaws trilogy".

My final rating is Destroy It!

Now I would end my Halloween themed review series here but instead I want to end it on a more positive note. So come back next time but until then enjoy getting ready for Halloween as it inches closer by.

State of The Project (Oct 13th - Oct 29th)

Oct 13th - Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween Review

Oct 15th - Jaws 2 Review

Oct 18th - Explaining The Halloween Timelines

Oct 20th - Halloween (2018) Review

Oct 22nd - Cinematic Disasters - Jaws 3-D

Oct 25th - Cinematic Disasters - Jaws: The Revenge

Oct 29th - Underrated Films - The Monster Squad Review

NOTE: IF ANYTHING CHANGES I WILL TELL YOU!