With Zack Snyder's Justice League arriving in only 2 days I figured I'd count down the worst moments from the theatrical cut of Justice League or as the fans have been calling it "Josstice League", a movie which I gave a positive rating to but has since renounce that and still to this day regret doing that. But that's enough about me and my troubles, let's count 'em down. Here are the top ten WORST moments from the theatrical cut.
#10) Did They Return To Their Planet?
This is one of those blink and you'll miss it moments which is why this one is very low on this countdown. But once you see it it's really stupid. Basically during the opening scene we see a Metropolis newspaper with the headline of "Did They Return To Their Planet?". With pictures of David Bowie, Prince......and......Superman? What?
Yeah, for whatever reason there's a picture of Superman in that paper, and underneath that headline you can see it reads "Mysterious Wave of Disappearing Heroes". That doesn't make any sense for one simply reason.....IN BATMAN V SUPERMAN THE ENTIRE CITY OF METROPOLIS KNEW SUPERMAN DIED FIGHTING DOOMSDAY AND EVEN HELD A FUNERAL FOR HIM! Did everyone in Metropolis just forget? What the hell? And remember this version of "Zack Snyder's" movie came out in 2017 and Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice came out in 2016. That was one year ago. And let me tell you I know for a fact everybody still remembered that happened whether they were the ones working on Josstice League or not. The filmmakers during these reshoots had no excuse for letting that slide, or maybe Joss Whedon thought he was doing a clever joke on clickbait or whatever the version of clickbait is for newspapers. I don't know. Whatever the reason it's a bad moment even if it just a small one in the grand scheme of things.
#9) Hope is Like Your Car Keys?
This is the very first scene we get from the movie and it doesn't make a good first impression.
For one, what is going with Superman? We of course have the infamous CGI mouth but something that was bothering me was his suit. It has these light blue patches on where all the muscles would be. It almost makes it seem like his wearing some sort of armor. Then we have the dialogue oh boy this dialogue. This is something Superman actually says about hope.
"A man I knew used to say that hope is like your car keys. Easy to lose, but if you dig around, it's usually close by."
Okay, now maybe this could've worked but here's the problem. This is clearly Joss Whedon's attempt at making Henry Cavill's Superman come off more like Christopher Reeve's Superman. Which doesn't work because Cavill's version of Superman wasn't suppose to be like that. This is suppose to be a different character compared to Reeve's.
#8) Whedon Ripped Off Whedon
This is probably one that's going to get me in trouble but whatever. Now I didn't find the scene where Flash rescues Wonder Woman only to fall onto her breast offensive like everybody else did. I thought it was a stupid juvenile joke that could easily be brushed off.
What was awful about this scene and a bit a dialogue I'll get into later, is it's Joss Whedon was ripping himself off. He did this same joke back in 2015 when Avengers: Age of Ultron came out. Then we have the ongoing brunch joke in Justice League which was a rip off of the shawarma joke in The Avengers back in 2012. And then we have the constant talking during the final battle in Justice League which yet again can be compared to some of the talking in The Avengers.
Sure a lot of directors take stuff they did in their previous movies and use them again in another one of their films. But the thing is sometimes it's for the better. This was not one of those times. Which makes me wonder, was Joss Whedon doing this because he thinks he's so great or was he just being incredibly lazy during these reshoots?
#7) Diana's an Inspiration
This is from a bit of dialogue that doesn't make any sense. Basically during a scene where the team is debating bringing Superman back to life, Bruce and Diana start arguing and at one point Batman says this to her,
"You're an inspiration, Diana. You don't just save people; you make them see their better selves."
If any of you watched the trailers to this version of the movie than you would know that line or at least something similar to it was meant for Superman. And like I said before that line doesn't make any sense when referring to Wonder Woman. Because back in 2017 we were still under the impression that she left the world of man a 100 years ago. So how can she be an inspiration when she was gone for that long? And also in this movie was she doing her best to stay out of the public eye. So how is she making people see "their better selves" when she's avoiding everybody up until the end of the film?
#6) Pretty Pretty Flowers
This moment left me and even audience members confused.
What happened was after the League defeated Steppenwolf and stop those weird vine things from destroying the Earth, the League celebrates their victory by looking over a small village in Russia (because that's where the final fight took place) and they see.....flowers starting to bloom. WHAT?!
Yeah for whatever reason after the bad guy is defeated flowers just start blooming in places where those vine things were and places where those vines weren't even there. I to this day have no idea why this happened in the movie. Seriously, how does beating the bad guy and destroying his weapon make flowers start to appear? Can anybody figure this out?
#5) Is This a Movie or a Video Game?
Now some of you could argue that if I'm going to talk about bad CGI it should be the CGI mouth on Henry Cavill but, I'm sorry folks. This shot that's below #5 to me is the absolute worst!
I mean just look at it. I know internet critics and professional critics like to joke about some bad CGI looking like a video game but that shot literally looks like it's from a video game! All that's missing is the health bars oh wait a minute....
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| Art by rocketman28 |
There we go!
#4) You Smell Good & Itchy
Now I was originally going to pick one of those lines but after thinking it through they're both equally awful.
Let's start off with the first one. After Superman is done fighting the Justice League, both him and Lois go back to the Kent farm and what's the first thing Lois says to the now resurrected Clark? "You smell good". There's a lot wrong with this line so let's break it down,
1) If you looking closely at Amy Adam's lips you can see she's clearly didn't say "You smell good". This is ADR at it's worst!
2) Really? Lois hasn't been able to talk nor touch Clark in who knows how long and this is the first thing she says to her boyfriend who let me remind you just came back from being dead.
3) How can Superman possibly smell good? He's been six feet under for months. So how is this possible? Was the graveyard's groundskeeper just spraying Febreze on his corpse?
Then we have our other line. This one came when Lois ask Clark how it felt being brought back to life, and his response was "Itchy". Again.....really?!
That was the best dialogue Whedon could come up with? Not it was weird for him to be able to open his eyes again, he was scared because the last thing he remembers was being stabbed by Doomsday, or despite knowing he was alive it all felt like a dream to him. Nope, apparently when you're brought back from the dead you just get a small itchy feelin' nothing else.
#3) Flash is a Dumbass!
Now the character of The Flash whether he's Barry Allen or Wally West has been the comedic relief for the Justice League. But here's the thing, both Barry & Wally are still considered one the smartest members of the League. BUT APPARENTLY SOMEBODY FORGOT TO TELL JOSS WHEDON THAT!
Throughout the whole movie there's a running gag that Barry doesn't know what direction to go. Which doesn't make any sense. Because if Barry is smart enough to make his own Flash suit from scrap laying around in garbage how is he not smart enough to know North, South, East, and West? And considering he's going to be a superhero who's main power is that he's a speedster don't you think knowing your directions should be the first thing to learn?
Now from what I've gather Ezra Miller's version of Barry is he was going to be the comedic relief similar to how The Flash was in both Justice League & Justice League Unlimited but Whedon thought "Nah, let's turn him into a complete idiot."
#2) Superman Returns and....Nobody Seems to Care
This is a moment I've only recently thought about after rewatching the movie. What? It's been couple of years since I saw it. Had to refresh my memory for this but, I digress.
Now Superman's return was meant to be this big moment in the movie right? Well apparently it wasn't after all. Because despite Superman the strongest hero in the entire world being alive again nobody seems to care nor question it. Despite the League and Lois we see nobody else even scratch their heads that he's returned. And just to make the moment when worse if you go back on watch the Superman vs. League scene we can plainly see that there were cops at that fight. And considering all of the noise that was going on surely somebody anybody had to have opened their window and saw the guy who was once dead fighting a bunch of other superpowered beings.
But nope. Apparently everybody in Metropolis isn't questioning this, and Clark goes back to working at the Daily Planet who I can only assume aren't going to question him despite the fact that they wrote in their paper that he died in the Doomsday fight. Maybe it's just another typical Tuesday for them?
AND THE NUMBER ONE WORST MOMENT IN THE JUSTICE LEAGUE THEATRICAL CUT IS.........
#1) BATCRINGE!
Now Superman's characterization in this version of the movie was bad. But holy mother of god Batman's was even worse!
I mean it folks this Batman was a far cry from the ultimate badass that we were introduced to in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. I mean these are some of the lines that poor Ben Affleck had to say,
[After Superman flies away after beating the JL]
Yeah....something's definitely bleeding.
Superman: Well, I know you didn't bring me back cause you like me
Batman: I don't....*not*
[Sees Steppenwolf up close after he leaps onto the Nightcrawler]
Jesus.....he *is* tall.
I mean it when I say me and a whole lot of other people were very disappointed by how Batman was in this movie. I mean after Batman & Robin way back in 1997 wasn't Warner Bros. on a mission to never ever have Batman act like his Adam West counterpart ever again? I just don't understand why they would want their meal ticket and most popular DC superhero to act like this?
Well folks, despite this we can thankfully put it all behind us. Because on March 18th none of these moments are gonna be remembered or talked about ever again when we can FINALLY see Zack Snyder's real vision of this movie with Zack Snyder's Justice League. You know....that is still an amazing thing for me to write, tweet, and talk about. On March 18th we're finally gonna see the Snyder cut....what a journey it's been.
Anyhow, that's going to do it for me. Come back on Friday, Mar 19th for my review of Zack Snyder's Justice League. GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE I FINALLY GET TO TYPE THAT! Until then, enjoy the rest of your day!
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