Well....here I am again.....reviewing another Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer movie. Because for whatever reason back in the late 2000s these two kept getting work.....let's just get this over with.
Meet the Spartans is a 2008 parody movie that mainly spoofs the 2007 film 300. The movie was produced by Regency Enterprises, New Regency, and 3 in the Box and distributed by 20th Century Fox. Meet the Spartans was written and directed by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer.
The story is Leonidas hears word that the Persian empire plans to conquer Sparta. But Leonidas is not going to stand for that, so he plans to have 300 Spartans battle this enemy.....but sadly he could only get thirteen. Now Leonidas and his men must do battle whether it be in a dance off or a Yo Momma contents.
My Thoughts
So the movie starts off with a guy inspecting the babies to see if there's anything wrong with them, one of the babies is an ogre.....because Shrek The Third was a popular thing back in 2007 so of course Friedberg and Seltzer were going to make a joke about it whether it made sense or not.
Then we cut to Leonidas being interrogated as if he's James Bond (don't ask) and he later as to fight the penguin from Happy Feet, and for some reason the penguin talks like a stereotypical gangsta.....okay. Oh during these scenes Leonidas has braces and acne. I get what they were going for with this appearance for Leonidas but this would've worked better had they had an actual teenager as suppose to Sean Maguire who is clearly in his 30s.
Also during the two scenes I mentioned we got not one but two product placements, those being Pedigree and Subway. We're not ten minutes into this movie and we already have product placement, and just to make it worse we're gonna kept seeing product placement all over this movie because Friedberg and Seltzer want some sort of a check from those businesses.
Years go by and then the Persian messenger arrives where we get this joke,
In all honesty.....that wasn't a bad joke. It was pretty decent in my opinion. The problem was afterwards we get MORE gay jokes. Which not only ruined the first one but then we just roll our eyes over the other jokes. To the point where you're gotta shout "YES, WE GET IT! YOU THOUGHT 300 WAS HOMOEROTIC! PLEASE MOVE ON!"
And if we watched 300 then you know where this scene is going. Messenger f*cks up, Leonidas isn't having any of it, and then kicks him into the pit but not before shouting the famous line of "This is Sparta!". The problem? Friedberg and Seltzer continue this joke over and over and over and over AND OVER AGAIN! To the point where the joke is way past dead.
Afterwards Leonidas goes to meet the Oracle who turns out to be Ugly Betty, because that show was a popular thing. I swear to God, Friedberg and Seltzer can't go one scene without shoving some sort of pop culture reference into it.
Later we go to Leonidas and his wife, he tells her about what the Oracle told him and that he might die in battle. Thinking this could be their final night together they decide to have sex I mean bench press. No for real, the scene started out looking like a sex scene then out of nowhere became a bench press scene.....I....I....I don't know what to say.
After that bizarre scene, Leonidas now has his army. He now has all thirteen Spartans (because there was no way this movie's budget could afford three hundred actors) and then..........this happens.
I have no idea why this is happening? I'm just at a loss for words to be honest.
So after....that, they meet up and kid you not, they meet up with a hunched back Paris Hilton. Okay, I gotta ask, much like I asked this question in my Epic Movie review, was she still popular enough to make a "parody" out of? And my biggest issue with this scene is it feels like it keeps going. May not have felt as long as the kicking people into the pit scene but still.
Now we FINALLY have our spartan soldiers face off against Xerxes' messenger and his Immortals. Now I felt like there was plenty of things could've done to make fun of that scene, but instead we get this....
This scene is only here to fill out the runtime. That's it. Because there was no rhyme, reason, or set up for this.
Another thing, It wasn't said in the video I showed you but before the whole dancing started Leonidas said "It's time to stomp the yard". Leonidas just told us what they're making fun of. In matter of fact there are many scenes like that, where either the characters themselves or the narrator spell out what they're making a "parody" of. It's like Friedberg & Seltzer thought their audience was too stupid to figure out what was being spoofed.
Later on Xerxes arrives and makes Leonidas an offer in a skit that's making fun of the game show Deal or No Deal. Guess what? It's not funny and the reference was pointless to the overall story.
Now Xerxes is pissed and he sends more "warriors".
Wow. Even when they have some what of a build up to a scene, it still wasn't worth it.
We take a break with the Spartans and cut to Leonidas' wife Margo where she's trying to get more support for her husband. But instead Traitoro betrays the Queen and.....we wind up in a parody of Spider-Man 3. Because why not? The writers in this movie have been barely able to stick with spoofing 300 so might as well spoof more movies that in no way have a connect to the source material they're trying desperately to make fun of.
So mercifully we're at the climax of the movie, the final battle, and oh boy. Friedberg and Seltzer must of realized their movie is coming to an end as well because throughout this whole battle we're hit with a barrage of pop culture references one after another. This is seriously a list of the things that were in that battle, we had...
-Ghost Rider
-Rocky Balboa
-Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (out of all of the references in this movie this is the one that makes the least amount of sense, and given what I watched, THAT'S saying something).
-Transformers
& finally
-The "Leave Britney Alone" video.
Guys, I know it goes without saying since this is a Friedberg & Seltzer movie but, Meet The Spartans is truly unfunny. The jokes are either not funny or gross, the product placement just makes your eyes roll, and all of the pop culture references had absolutely no reason to be here!
My final rating is Destroy It!
Thank God this is finally over. Due come back on Monday, May 10th where I'll review a MUCH BETTER movie. That film being 1989's Batman. That review in itself will be the first part of my Road to The Batman. Until then, enjoy the rest of your day.
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