Cinematic Disasters - Star Wars Holiday Special

With Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker arriving in only 15 days I thought it's time I review the darkest chapter in the Star Wars franchise. That being the Star Wars Holiday Special.

Star Wars Holiday Special is a 1978 musical science-fiction television film set in the Star Wars galaxy. It's also the first official Star Wars spin-off (yes this is the spin-off's starting point...just let that sink it) and set in-between the first movie and The Empire Strikes Back. Star Wars Holiday Special was written by Pat Proft, Leonard Ripps, Bruce Vilanch, Rod Warren, and Mitzie Welch and directed by Steve Binder.





The story is after the events of the first movie, Han Solo is taking his best friend Chewbecca to his home world to celebrate "Life Day". However the Empire has captured them and are demanding them to tell where other Rebels are. Now it's up to Luke and Leia to rescue and celebrate "Life Day".

My Thoughts




So our holiday special is already off to a good start by showing us stock footage of the previous movie. Yeah, because when people back in 1978 wanted something new from Star Wars the first thing that came to their minds was stock footage. Like I said brilliant start.



Now during this chase between the Empire and Solo and Chewbecca, Han brings up how he'll bring Chewie home just in time to celebrate "Life Day" with his family. Two things to take from this 1) Chewbecca has a family? When did that happen? Do they know about his smuggling with Han or him fighting alongside the Rebels? and 2) What's Life Day? That second question kept going through my mind throughout this whole movie. And guess what...It's never explained. We're never told what Life Day is.



Then after the credits we seen Chewbecca's family, and enjoy not understanding what they're saying because all of their dialogue is just grunts, groans, roars, growls, and more grunts. We never know what there talking about or anything, the people that made this forgot to put subtitles underneath them!



Also do you like bad acid trips? Cause I've got a bad acid trip for you to watch.

After that bit of insanity we see a familiar face and that face is Luke Skywalker or I think it's Luke? I mean I don't know what Mark Hamill was doing before filming this but man does his face look so weird in this. Seriously just look at him.

Then we get a some random shop owner guy (I don't know if he has a name or not) about Chewbecca's whereabouts to his wife and also talking to an Imperial guard. 1) Who is this guy? Seriously who is he? Also how does he know Chewbecca and Han Solo are missing? We never saw him communicate with them before both in the is special and A New Hope. 2) Why is this Imperial guard wasting his time at some random shop? Doesn't he have a schedule to keep or something?

After that we get some stock footage from the A New Hope. Only this time it includes Darth Vader and I hope you enjoyed seeing Vader because other than the cartoon that pops up (yeah this special also includes a cartoon, as if you didn't have enough padding) this is the only time we see him.

Then this scene.

Don't ask me what this is all about because I'm just as confused as you are.

So after.....that! We finally get an action scene...but it's just more stock footage from the movie so it's not really all that exciting. But during this Han brings up Life Day once again. Around this time we are 25 minutes and 3 seconds in and we still don't know what this holiday is. Can we please just get a slim explanation of what it is?!

Then that shop owner comes to visit Chewbecca's family to drop by to give them presents and dear lord does he act like a dick. First he ask them why they all have long faces as if he doesn't already know that Chewbecca's missing and when their still sad he ask "is this all the hello I get?" Seriously what is his damage?

After that we see the old man wookiee get his rocks off by watching Diahann Carroll (or whatever her Star Wars character name is in this) sing to him. No I'm serious! We are watching a wookiee watch some sort of VR porn experience and you well not convince me or anyone else other wise!

So when we're all though with that disturbing bit of imaginary we get a scene with Leia and C-3PO talking to Chewbecca's wife and there discussing things we already know. We know Chewie's not home, we know him and Han are being chased by the Empire, and we know that neither Chewie or his family have been talking to each other. Again this scene like so many others are just here to pad out the runtime and nothing else.

Then an Imperial guard and stormtrooper come to Chewbecca's family and we suppose to be scared because well someone from the Empire is in their house but I don't care. Because prior to the first film we never meet these people thus we don't become attach to them. We just suppose to feel something because "Hey there Chewbecca's family so care about them". Oh and during this scene we get another musical number (the first one was during the wookiee's masturbating scene). Which I don't get. Why do we have this? During the writing for this special who sat down and thought "You know what this Star Wars special needs...musical numbers."

When the song finally stops playing, Chewbecca's son goes to somewhere else to watch a Star Wars cartoon?! Yeah apparently the Rebels and the Empire's adventures get turned into cartoons in this universe. Also the cartoon is horrible! Other than C-3PO, R2-D2, Darth Vader, Chewbecca, and Boba Fett all of the other characters look horrible. Luke and Leia have these lifeless eyes on them and well...just look at Han Solo.

Who looked at that and said "Oh yeah, that looks just like Harrison Ford. Good job dude." Oh and just to add more to shock to this special, this was Boba Fett's debut before The Empire Strikes Back. Yep, this is where it all started for the guy.

When the cartoon finally ends, Chewbecca's kid the watches some instructional video for a mini-transmitter, and when we get to this scene are a total of 1 hour, 3 minutes, and 35 seconds into this special and nothing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING OF IMPORTANCE HAS HAPPENED! So far we've been wasting time by talking about things we already know, some LSD circus performance, stir whip stir whip whip, a wookiee enjoying porn (again you can't convince me otherwise), an ugly cartoon featuring Boba Fett's debut, and now this! Oh throughout that instructional video the guy is malfunctioning...because comedy.

Then just to waste more time we get a "Life on Tatooine" segment, which yet again is using stock footage from the first movie. Was the budget so small they couldn't filming a bunch of people walking around a Tatoonie set? Oh and just to make this segment more painful we get a musical number with...Bea Arthur. I didn't make that up...that really happened. I swear the people would made this were on the biggest cocaine bender imaginable.

So finally after all of this madness and/or pointlessness Chewie and Han arrive at Chewbecca's home and fight off a stormtrooper (the trooper's alone because the other Empire guys left and he was told to stay behind just in case). And the fight's both short and hilarious, the fight goes for like less than a minute and Han didn't even beat him...the stormtrooper was just clumsy. Seriously, this is all that happened.

This was really the only funny part in the entire special.

After that "fight scene" we finally celebrate Life Day...which we still know nothing about. This is a holiday special and they never once tell us what Life Day is. Then during the ending Leia sings a song about Life Day and I know I've done nothing but complain about the songs in this special but this one I feel like you can sit through because Carrie Fisher has a great singing voice.

So that was the Star Wars Holiday Special and WOW! This was...this was...I don't know what this was, all I do know is it is awful. The sets look cheap, some scenes were just footage taken from the first movie, no explanation to what Life Day is, it has horrible writing, and just so much else that's just wrong. Hell this special is so bad, Harrison Ford refuses to believe it even happened. Yeah that's how much he hated it and in all honestly you can blame him.

My final rating is Destroy It!

Yeah, Star Wars Holiday Special is just an abomination in matter of fact next time if someone you know says the prequels and The Last Jedi are awful Star Wars films just so them this. Hell you can watch it on YouTube for free. So that's going to do it for me, come back on Monday, Dec 16th for my review of Elf. Until then enjoy the rest of your day.