Classic Film Night - Miracle on 34th Street

 

Miracle on 34th Street is a Christmas comedy-drama movie. It was produced and distributed by 20th Century Fox. Miracle on 34th Street is written by George Seaton and Valentine Davies and directed by George Seaton.

The story is after filling in for a drunken employee for Thanksgiving parade, a man named Kris Kringle dresses up as Santa Claus and soon becomes very popular. But with his insistence that he's the real St. Nick, his mental health is soon called into question.

My Thoughts

One praise to give the movie is it's very realistic. While I do love the goofy Christmas comedies such as Christmas Vacation or the more magical specials such as Frosty the Snowman, it was a nice change to watch a Christmas film that didn't have that stuff. It's just a nicely done grounded Christmas flick.

Now I mentioned comedy previously. Despite the realistic take the movie goes with, there's still plenty of hilarious moments throughout. Two of them being a guy getting his wife absolutely hammered only by the end of it to be pointless, and a scene where a kid has to be called to the stand during court, which was hysterical. I could go into more details about those scenes, but it's best to see them for yourself.

The movie has a great cast, but the one actor who completely stole the show, was Edmund Gwenn. The guy killed it this role. There actually came a point where you almost wish he was the true Santa Claus. A matter of fact, he was so convincing in the role, his fellow cast members thought he actually was indeed Santa Claus. Let me reiterate, he was so convincing, that the cast actually thought he was the genuine article. If that doesn't convince you how talented he was, then immediately stop reading this, and go watch the movie.

The last thing I'll praise is the story itself. There's great messages about faith, with the running quote being "Faith is believing things when common sense tells you not to." Now a lot of you most likely think that's pretty sappy, but come folks, when you get down to it, Christmas itself can be described as sappy. But ignoring that, how many of you put faith into something as suppose to common sense? You wanted to be hopeful as suppose to being realistic. Besides that message, there's also a very relevant topic about how Christmas has become too commercialized. That only thing that people care about is the presents and not family. Sure, that's pretty much the message with Christmas movie or TV special, to the point of being an overused cliché, but I found this movie executed that far better, mainly because it was beating you over the head.

Guys, Miracle on 34th Street is a essential Christmas movie to watch. While I do enjoy my doses of Home Alone, A Christmas Story, How the Grinch Stole Christmas (both the original tv special and live-action movie), and etc. This is also a film I look forward to every holiday season. Hell, we should open up the season with this movie before the ones I mentioned previously.

My final rating is, A Must Watch.

That's all for now. Come back on Saturday, Dec 9th, for my review of Diary of a Wimpy Kid Christmas: Cabin Fever. Until then, enjoy the rest of your day.

Silent Night Review

 

Silent Night is an action-thriller movie. It's produced by Thunder Road Films, Capstone Studios, and A Better Tomorrow Films and distributed by Lionsgate. Silent Night is written by Robert Archer Lynn and directed by John Woo.

The story is on Christmas Eve, John Godluck was just enjoying a wonderful Christmas season with his family. Then things all changed when he gets injured to the point of being unable to speak and his family was killed. Now, John's on the warpath and he won't stop until everyone responsible has payed for what they did.

Initial Reaction

Now I was excited for this movie the moment I saw the trailer on Twitter/X. It looked like it was gonna be a very fun action revenge flick. So excited, that I decided to finally watch some John Woo movies. More specifically he's big four winning streak films, A Better Tomorrow, The Killer, Bullet in the Head, and Hard Boiled.

Cons

I've got nothing, just scroll down.

Middle Ground

Ultimately, the big mix bag for the movie was the story. Now I had no issue with the whole revenge aspect. Sure, we've seen the whole father or other family member get revenge for the big tragedy. That part I found fine. But the thing that could've been more polished was the whole silence gimmick. If they wanted to keep the dialogueless throughout, okay, I'll appalled them for that. But what they could've done is gone deeper with the other characters. We barely get to know anything about the gang members or the cop that later appears. So if anything, the story could've stayed the same, but definitely needed to be just a bit longer.

Pros

Now to tell you about what was right about Silent Night. One being Joel Kinnaman's performance. Now I know he's a talented actor, but I was still impressed with how he was able to do so much without saying anything. Sure we hear him, but it's mainly just grunts and stuff, and even then he manages not to screw up the fact his character suffered a serious neck injury. Cause when we do hear those grunts, he also makes them sound very rough sounding. Then there's the one of two things that help safe this movie, one of those being the action. It's bloody fun. Gun fire, hand-to-hand fights, a spectacular car chase, and a pretty awesome staircase shootout. Just great action all around. Which brings me to John Woo's directing. Even though the story is decent, you can still expect John Woo to craft a beautifully done movie. From beginning to end, the movie looks great.

Silent Night is definitely not John Woo's strongest movie, but by the end I still had some fun with the overall product.

My final rating is, Okay.

That wraps everything up. Come back on Thursday, Dec 7th, for my Classic Film Night review of, Miracle on 34th Street. Until then, enjoy the rest of your day.

Lady Ballers Review

 

Lady Ballers is a comedy movie that mocks the recent and controversial movement of men going into women's sports all while claiming they're naturally born women. It's produced by Bonfire Legend and distributed by DailyWire+. Lady Ballers is written by Jeremy Boreing, Brian A. Hoffman, and Nick Sheehan and directed by Jeremy Boreing.

The story is a former high school basketball coach is down on his luck and is at a point in his life where he'll do anything to get some sort of win. Once he hears about how men are claiming to be women and go into women sports, be hugely successful, and on top of that face no backlash, he decides it's time for his team to don wigs and pink uniforms.

Initial Reaction

The reason why I wanted to see this movie was because it's a comedy that's actually taking a risk. Nowadays it's quite clear that comedy just hasn't been the same because people will get offended over the littlest of things, and because of that we don't get any comedy films that go as far as say, Blazing Saddles. So even if the movie sucks, at least we can say the filmmakers took a chance.

Cons

I've got nothing.

Middle Ground

One grey area stems from the acting. Now, there wasn't by any stretch a terrible performance. Everyone was just okay. Serviceable even. Then there's the pacing. While it's good to be a comedy that doesn't overstay its welcome, there were times when things just go by too quickly. Now for the story. There is clearly a depth they're going for. Those being it's okay if a girl isn't good at things a boy is, because girls are better at stuff boys aren't. And the other message being how wrong it is that we have these guys pretending to women, getting praised, and how journalists, along with mainstream media and etc. are essentially trying to erase the woman aspect of female sports. Those messages are fine and hold truths, however, sometimes those messages did feel like they were getting pushed to the back, in favor of more jokes. The filmmakers probably should've taken a step back, then do another rewrite, that way the messages as well as the comedy would've had been balanced.

Pros

The best thing is definitely the comedy. Now I'm not fully biased so I will admit not every joke worked, but there still was a lot of jokes that did. And once again, while it's still funny, we should also appalled it for taken a risk at poking at something that clearly was begging to be made fun of in the first place. Especially since what's happening in women sports does feel like a parody brought to life.

Lady Ballers isn't a perfect movie. There are flaws but, it was still very funny.

My final rating is, Okay.

Anyhow, that's all for now. Come back on Monday, Dec 4th for my review of John Woo's Silent Night. Yes, originally it was gonna be uploaded today but had to reschedule because at first I wasn't finding any showings. Thankfully I found one. So expect that on Monday. Until then, enjoy the rest of your day.

Napoleon Review

 

Napoleon is an epic historical drama film based on Napoleon Bonaparte. It was produced by Scott Free Productions and Apple Studios and distributed by Columbia Pictures and Apple Original Films. Napoleon is written by David Scarpa and directed by Ridley Scott.

The story is while Napoleon has shown to be a very accomplished military commander, he still seeks approval from Europe's other major powers. Soon, Napoleon will learn that this obsession will lead to his downfall.

Initial Reaction

The true reason as why I wanted to see this was because of Ridley Scott. Even if the story isn't great, you can still expect to see a beautiful looking movie. Hopefully I get both a gorgeous movie in the sense of story and look.

Cons

I've got nothing.

Middle Ground

First let's start with the pacing. Now at first it didn't seem all that bad, matter of fact it was decent enough. But then we go into territory where some scenes just drag on. Now for the big issue everybody keeps talking about, the historical accuracy. First off, whenever Ridley Scott makes these kinds of movies, there never historically accurate. Just look at Gladiator, that wasn't accurate and that's a beloved film. Then there's historical movies that Ridley Scott had nothing to do with, and they're loved, such as Braveheart. But my slight issue with the story wasn't the historical inaccuracies, it was somehow, despite the pacing, the movie almost felt like it was telling an abridged version of events. What I mean is one moment we'll be focusing on Napoleon's life outside of the battlefield, then we're straight off to battle, then personal life, but now we got to get to the next war. It kinda makes me wonder if this is a similar situation to Ridley Scott's 2005 movie, Kingdom of Heaven? Where the theatrical cut is a mixed bag, but the director's cut is much better. I really hope that's the case.

Pros

Three things the movie did right. Easiest compliment to give is Ridley Scott's directing. Regardless of the quality, there's no doubt that when Ridley Scott is behind the camera, you can expect the movie to look great. The other bit of praise goes to Joaquin Phoenix's performance. Whether it's a theatrical cut thing or not, there's no doubt that Joaquin is more than capable of giving a spectacular performance. Then there's the battle scenes. There's amazing. There bloody and chaotic, much like a real war would be. I'd go into more details, but I don't think words alone would do those scenes justice.

My final rating is, Okay.

That's going to do it for me. Come back on Saturday, Dec 2nd, where I may or may not have a review for John Woo's Silent Night. If there's not a review for that, then expect a review for The Daily Wire's newest movie, Lady Ballers. Until then, enjoy the rest of your day.

Looking Back at the Films of 2022 Part 6 - The Fabelmans, The Menu, and Strange World

 

We're almost at the end with Looking Back folks, but until then, let's review today's movies.

Why Didn't I See The Fabelmans?

Now I wanted to see this film, mainly because Steven Spielberg was making it. So I did have plans to see this. However, like almost every other movie I wanted to see, there wasn't a showing.

What is The Fabelmans?

The Fabelmans is a coming-of-age drama film. It was produced by Amblin Entertainment and Reliance Entertainment and distributed by Universal Pictures. The Fabelmans was written by Steven Spielberg and Tony Kushner and directed by Steven Spielberg.

The story is a young boy named Sammy Fabelman along with his parents go to the theater to the movie, The Greatest Show on Earth. After being dazzled by it, he realizes what he wants to be, and he starts his path to become a filmmaker.

My Thoughts

The Good: I'll keep my first positive thought brief. This movie's cinematography is beautiful. Probably the least surprising thing, given this is a Steven Spielberg movie. Now even though there is a coming-of-age drama, we do get some nice bits of humor. There's this nice bit of dialogue between Sammy and a bully at the school prom and it was just hilarious. Hell, even Seth Rogen has some good bits and he wasn't been funny in years. Since I brought up an actor, this would be a good time to praise the performances. All I gotta say is this cast was tremendous. It got to the point where I felt like the cast just disappears in these roles. By the way, after rewatching The Batman not too long ago, it's kinda funny seeing Paul Dano go from playing a psycho serial killer in that film, to seeing him play a loving husband/caring father. Truly a talented man (😆). The final praise I'll give is The Fabelmans has a truly great message about pursuing your dreams of becoming a filmmaker. Actually, I think the proper thing to say is dreams in general. Because whether you're a filmmaker, an artist, a musician, writer, or etc. you can connect to how something mesmerized you and you decided that's what you wanted to do for the rest of your life. Even if you have people thinking it's just some sort of phase your going through, or how some will think you've just taken up a hobby. But, while that's good, the movie also tells you how while it's good to pursue that dream, you also shouldn't let it consume you. There were quite a few scenes where Sammy is called out for putting his filmmaking before his family. Which again is very relatable. You've probably know someone who was just fully focused on their work, that they just put everything else aside including their friends and family. Who knows, maybe you were that exact person at some point in your life. So yes, while the movie is using the trope of "it's okay to chase after a dream, don't forget what's important", that doesn't mean it's a message to ignore.

The Bad: No negative statements here.

The Okay: Nope, got nothing for this section.

Final Verdict: A Must Watch.

Why Didn't I See The Menu?

Simple, there wasn't a showing at my theater.

What is The Menu?

The Menu is a dark comedy movie. It was produced by Hyberobject Industries, Gary Sanchez Productions, and TSG Entertainment and distributed by Searchlight Pictures. The Menu was written by Will Tracy and Seth Reiss and directed by Mark Mylod.

The story is a foodie, his date, and many wealthy people have been invited to an exclusive restaurant on a private island by big time celebrity chef, Julian Slowik. At first, it seems like it's going to be a fun time, but after a series of increasingly disturbing monologues and then uncomfortable truths being revealed, the guest quickly realize there's something far more sinister going on.

My Thoughts

The Good: One thing I liked about the movie was the dark comedy. Not only was it truly funny, but it actually has a great satire of how crushing the food industry is and how a chef can lose a passion for cooking, because someone like say a food critic can just take the fun out of cooking. It was some great stuff. Then there's the cast. Everyone from Ralph Fiennes to Nicolas Hoult to Anya Taylor-Joy and etc. were truly amazing, and they had good chemistry throughout the movie. The last thing I'll praise is I didn't know what to expect. I'm serious, this movie actually kept me guessing. It's not everyday that happens.

The Bad: I've got nothing.

The Okay: My only slight issue with The Menu was the ending. It's not a bad ending, it's just I didn't buy that the characters were at the point where they just gave up and accepted their fates.

Final Verdict: Great.

Why Didn't I See Strange World?

Believe or it not, I completely forgot this movie even came out. Disney provided such little marketing, I didn't know it was released until the end of the 2022.

What is Strange World?

Strange World is a animated sci-fi adventure movie. It was produced by Walt Disney Pictures and Walt Disney Animation Studios and distributed by Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures. Strange World was Qui Nguyen and directed by Don Hall.

The story is during a mission, Searcher and his father Jaeger had a falling out that lead to Jaeger continuing his the mission all alone. 25 years later, Searcher has made a name for himself and has a loving family. One day he's called upon by some former teammates who need his help. After crossing over to another world, they set out for a huge adventure. But when this isn't happening, Searcher and his father must find a way to mend old wounds.

My Thoughts

The Good: Really the only good thing about this movie is the animation. It's great.

The Bad: Let's start off with the fact that despite being labeled as an adventure movie, there's not much of an adventurous feel. What I mean by that is, if you're going to make an adventure movie, you gotta have peril, danger, whatever you call it in your adventure movie. Here, there's not much of that. Most of the time our characters are in an environment where they can quite literally bounce off of and be perfectly fine. So even when they get cornered, who cares. They can jump off a cliff, and no harm will come to them. And even when they are in danger, it doesn't matter cause they don't get so much as a paper cut. It almost felt like the filmmakers were too scared to put these characters in danger, even though the fun part of an adventure film is the danger. Then there's the comedy, or lack there of. I'll admit I chuckled maybe twice. But for the most part, I sat on counch in silence. The jokes are two categories, A) Complete Failure or B) Predictable. Now for the art. Sure it's well drawn, the issue is the characters are not in the same style. Just look at these two right here.

Searcher (top) and Callisto (bottom)

If I told you these two are from the same movie and you didn't believe me, I wouldn't blame you. Searcher is drawn in a far more cartoonish style than Callisto. And it's not just those two, the whole movie is like this. Which begs the question, why did they have two different styles? Was it really hard for them to choose one or the other? Since I'm speaking of characters, let me tell you about their personalities...or again lack there of. I haven't seen every single recent or old Disney animated movie, but so far, as of right now, these have got to be the most bland and shallow characters in a Disney movie. There's just no depth to them. But when the writers try giving them depth, it's just generic. And now when I look back at whatever marketing I can remember, it's no wonder Disney made such a big deal out of Searcher's son [Ethan] being gay. Cause everything else about him is so uninteresting, that his sexuality is really the only thing he's got going for him. Which brings me to the story. Oh boy. Much like our characters the story just isn't interesting. Most of the time it's just being clichéd like Searcher and his daddy issues, or it's being predictable. Like for instance, there's this whole big twist, but once you see Searcher and Ethan out in the open, with seemingly nothing around them, you can easily put two and two together and  immediately know what the twist is. And when generics and predictability aren't happening, an out of nowhere change will just happen for no reason. An example of this is, when Ethan snaps at his dad and says how he wants him to be a farmer just like him. Which makes no sense, because not once did Searcher ever say that. Sure, he got into a debate with his dad [Jaeger] about farming vs. exploring, and did say something to the extent of "Ethan thinks farming is better", but he wasn't actually talking about Ethan. Searcher was just using Ethan as a metaphor for himself, just like his dad was using Ethan as a metaphor for himself and why exploring is better.

The Okay: Got nothing for this part.

Final Verdict: Bad.

That's all for now. Come back on Monday, Nov 27th, for my review of Ridley Scott's newest film, Napoleon. Until then, enjoy the rest of your day.

Cinematic Disasters - Titanic: The Legend Goes On

 

Yes folks, there is, somehow, another animated Titanic movie. Because apparently one wasn't enough.

Titanic: The Legend Goes On is an animated musical movie, based on the sinking of the RMS Titanic. It was produced by Titanic Cartoons SRL and distributed by Medusa Film. Titanic: The Legend Goes On is written and directed by Camillo Teti.

The story is...basically the exact same as the last one. Two people fall in love on the Titanic. Then things get disastrous. The only difference is no whale hunting, puppy face octopuses, and people actually died on the Titanic.

My Thoughts

Much like the last animated Titanic, jeez I can't believe that's a sentence I wrote, this one also features talking anthropomorphic animals. These ones are even worse. How? Well, they have no reason to be here. The only things I remember them doing, is returning a necklace to its rightful owner and having a very random celebration.

Now ladies and gentlemen, to show you not just a scene from the movie, but thee scene. I present to you, the rapping dog.

Oh yes, you indeed just saw that. That IS in the movie. And what makes even weirder isn't the fact he's singing a genre of music that won't be invented until more than several decades later, it's the lead-in sentence that made him bust out rapping. How does someone being thankful they weren't eaten alive warrant a rap number about partying? Where's the correlation in those?!

With that stuff out of the way, this movie is also, and this is gonna shock you, but it's also ripping off James Cameron's Titanic. The story's told in flashback, there's a love story, there's a blue amulet, and there's a scene where the poor character gets clothes from another passenger because they don't have any fancy clothes. The only difference is instead of rich chick falls for poor guy, it's rich guy falls for poor girl. See, it's gender swapped so it's totally original now. And if it's not ripping off Titanic, then it's ripping off Cinderella, because Angelica (our main female lead) has an evil stepmother and evil stepsisters. And because this also has anthropomorphic animals, you can even say it's ripping off the first rip-off! There's not one original thing in this entire movie! It's. Just. One. Big. Rip-Off!

Since I brought up Angelica and her love story, let's get that out of the way. I'll give the love story this, her and William have more scenes together than Don Juan and Elizabeth. Which isn't saying much, because I think those two only had like three scenes together, four if you count the ballroom dance. Either way, that doesn't sound like enough scenes for them to be together and then by the end of the movie, get married. Oh there's another rip-off. The barely developed couple get married at the end. I know I already said it, but this movie is just one big rip-off.

Which now leads me to the voice acting. I don't know which is worse? The voice acting in The Legend of the Titanic or this? The voice work is bland. Every actor and actress sound bored out of their minds. A majority of them sound like they want to be anywhere else than here. Despite that, there is one funny thing. There's a child mouse character, and the child actor is always changing his accent. One moment he sounds Italian, the next he's French, and I think the third was Mexican? I don't know if the kid was just doing a bad job or if he was just messing with the filmmakers. I hope it's the latter, cause that'd be pretty funny.

Alright let's get to the animation. Now the previous animated Titanic flick had some bland animation, but at least it looked competently made. Here, it's bad. Anytime anyone moves, their movements are almost unnaturally stiff. There's nothing lively about these characters. When that's not happening, then they'll just reuse footage from a previous scene, over and over again, no matter how blatantly obvious it is.

The last thing I'll write about is actually the very last line in the entire movie. Basically there's an epilogue that tells what happened to the characters afterwards. The narrator goes on about how people got married and some animals got adopted. Then when that's out of the way, the very last thing the narrator says is...

"Well here's hoping they'll all live happily ever after. See ya soon!"

Happily ever after?! Happily ever after?! What the ever lovin' hell?! This is the story of the freakin' Titanic! Nobody lived happily ever after! People drowned and died or froze to death. Sure, I imagine some of the passengers who survived did get married, but some of them probably had PTSD. The story of the Titanic is not something that's meant to have a happy ending.

Wow, all I can say is my final rating is, Destroy It!

Well this sucked. Anyhow, come back on Friday, Nov 24th, for part six of Looking Back at the Films of 2022. For that one I'll be reviewing The Fablemans, The Menu, and Strange World. Until then, enjoy the rest of your day, and I hope on Thursday you all have a very Happy Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving Review

 

Thanksgiving is a slasher movie based on Eli Roth's mock trailer for the 2007 movie, Grindhouse. This is now the third mock trailer to be turned into a feature film, after Robert Rodriguez's Machete and Jason Eisener's Hobo with a Shotgun. The movie's produced by Spyglass Media Group, Dragonfly Entertainment and Electromagnetic Productions and distributed by TriStar Pictures. Thanksgiving is written by Eli Roth and Jeff Rendell and directed by Eli Roth.

The story is during one Thanksgiving, a store has a huge Black Friday sale which quickly turned into a disaster resulting in people dying. One year later, a man dressed as a pilgrim seeks bloody vengeance to those he holds responsible for that day.

Initial Reaction

I've been begging for this movie since I saw the fake trailer in Grindhouse. So when I heard we were FINALLY getting it I was for it. Because we've had horror movies take place on Thanksgiving, Home Sweet Home comes to mind. But we've never had one where a filmmaker goes all in on the gimmick. Thankfully Eli Roth and Jeff Rendell took the challenge.

Cons

I've got nothing.

Middle Ground

The only slight issue stems from the characters. Now yes, I know typically with slasher movies you shouldn't expect strong characters, but you can at least make them entertaining. So some I did like, but others are only good if they're either A) Part of the body count or B) A suspect.

Pros

Now tell you the things the movie did right. One of those being the pacing. This was a movie that wasn't too slow or too fast. It was just a nice start to finish runtime, that just breezes by. Which brings me to the horror aspect. Since it's a slasher movie you can expect some gruesome and creative kills. But when that's not happening, there's some really good suspense going on as well. The opening Black Friday scene is a good example of this, what with its rising tension. There's also some bits of comedy. Eli Roth and Jeff Rendell knew there was no reason to take a horror movie called Thanksgiving 100% seriously. There's also some satire going on with social media, which thankfully didn't bring down the movie's quality. What I also liked about the comedy was it truly fit. It didn't feel like we got transported to a completely different flick. The last thing I'll say is this really did feel like an old-school 80's slasher movie, with how it's shot, edited, and the characterizations. Hell, even that "There will be no leftovers" tagline is something I'd expect from those movies.

While Thanksgiving is by no means perfect, it's still a very fun movie. Sure somethings were changed from the original fake trailer, but I still, for the most part, got everything I wanted from this movie.

My final rating is, Good.

Now all we need is for Rob Zombie to make Werewolf Women of the SS and for Edgar Wright to make Don't, and every fake trailer from Grindhouse will become an official movie. That's all for now. Come back on Monday, Nov 20th, for my Cinematic Disasters review of Titanic: The Legend Goes On. Until then, enjoy the rest of your day.